(Editor’s note: this was originally posted on September 16, 2013 on “View from the Rough”)

Whenever I am planning a golf outing, I like to get a foursome out there.  And the reason is simple.  I don’t want to get paired up with random Teds.  Now, bear in mind that I’ve been paired up with some really good golfers and nice people whenever I’ve gone out as a single or twosome.  But it’s not my ideal situation.  If you are playing a nice course, then chances are they like golf and will probably be at least decent.  But if you’re playing a local muni, all bets are off.  Get ready for your new playing partners to fire up some Marlborough Reds and suck back some Bud Heavies because Eddie needs to kick back after roofing all week.

But the Eddies and the Carls of the world aren’t my issue.  I don’t care if someone is a roofer, a lawyer, a salesman or what.  Actually, there lies my problem.  I don’t like the small talk and don’t want to know what you do for a living.  “So, what do you do for work?”  Do you really care what I do for work?  Do you have 20 minutes so I can explain to you what my company does, and then another 10 on how my job fits into the puzzle?  If you do, then you are a genuinely good and interested person and I don’t deserve to be around you because I’m a dick.  But chances are you don’t care just like I don’t care.  If I were out playing golf to network or sell you something, then I get it, we’d need to talk shop.  But I’m not.  I’m here to try and shoot in the 80s and not 3 putt every hole.

And I know the small talk about work and whatnot is inevitable, just like talking about the weather is a staple when you’re on a conference call with people from other areas of the country.  There’s no avoiding it.  But that’s why you need to get a foursome to escape these situations.

Aside from the small talk, there’s also the familiarity issue.  I get a little uneasy playing with people I don’t know.  I play my best when I am comfortable.  Now, I need to wonder about how to play with these guys. How is their golf etiquette?  Should I not talk in their backswing?  Will they get offended if I take a piss in the woods?  Will they think I’m a lush if I start dieseling Bud Lights at 11am? What tee boxes are they gonna play from, and if it’s not the same ones we’re playing, should we play from theirs or should they play from ours?  GAAAHHH.

When you’re with your buddies, none of that stuff matters.   Swear all you want.  Talk in people’s backswings.  Take a piss next to the tree.  Drink a beer a hole.  Who cares?

So when you set up a golf outing, try to get at least 3 people, if not 4.  Otherwise, pack your bag with some Bud Heavies, pick up some smokes and get ready to hear how Steve just whiffed on his drive because he’s been drinking since 10 this morning because work’s been a bitch.